How to protect your home from your toddler! A humorous perspective.


How to protect your home from your toddler! A humorous perspective.

You know you need to childproof your home.

You have heard it many times.

And you have done everything recommended.

You have installed safety latches at all cabinets, drawers, and kitchen facilities. You have stored away all medicines and all dangerous and poison materials and fluids. You keep kitchenware and appliances out of reach. You also make sure everything is away from the edge of counters and tables. Your stove is out of your kid’s reach. And all plugs are secured.

You are settled.

Well, not really.

Because what nobody has told you is how to protect your home from your child.

As cute as your toddler is, somehow, your toddler comes pre-wired with the ability to destroy anything in no time.

So, here are some tips about reverse childproofing, the protection of your home.

Beloved decoration
As much as we enjoy a nice looking home with adorable decoration, as long as our kids are toddlers everything of value has to go up as high as possible. Some decorative items of value might even go to the store room for some years.

It’s more important to relax, knowing that even if some small things might (and will) get broken. After all, you have at least secured the more important items of your home.

Laptops, tablets and phones
All buttons invite to be pressed. TV, laptops, phones and everything else that is shiny, makes sounds and changes colors. It’s not just the many buttons they can press to cancel, download or purchase something. It is amazing how the little ones can spill almost anything in just a second.

Milk gets spilled on keyboards and chocolate on the screen. The little ones spill on electronics, on freshly ironed clothes and jewelry boxes. My little one even spilled a juice on my acoustic piano by just passing by. I still don’t know how this happened exactly. But it was a disaster.

I know it’s hard, but try to keep all these electronics out of reach as much as possible. Consider a silicon keyboard protection sheet. It’s is very useful and can be cleaned easily. A protective casing is also a possibility to prevent scratches and rescues drops to the floor.

Wired Devices and Keyes

Any visible wire invites for pulling and chewing. Believe me! Keys invite for chewing as well. And for pressing buttons of course.

Have all wires not visible to your toddler. Have them run through the walls, through wire guards or somehow hidden.

Hide your keys from your toddler as well. High up and out of sight. While keys can’t be destroyed they can get lost and they can drop and disappear almost everywhere, especially in floor ventilation vents and similar gaps. Always have a spare pair ready.

Should you decide for some reason to give your keys to your child, make sure the keys are not connected with any remote for your house or your car. You don’t want your toddler locked inside your car while the alarm is blasting and the whole neighborhood stands on the street checking what’s going on.

Painted Walls

Kids are painters at heart. They paint with everything on everything. Crayons, finger paint, pencils, tomato sauce, carrot juice, porridge. It all makes great resources for our little artists.

And what works better as a canvas than our walls?

I think most of us have some kind of memory of our little artists on our wall. Some ‘arts’ we simply removed. However, why not play along and keep one funny art piece and put a frame around it.
Take a simple wooden frame and nicely put it on the wall. It can be fun and entertainment for your family and visitors alike.

To avoid the necessity of too many frames at strange positions on your wall, make sure that all drawing and writing utensils are in boxes and out of reach. Take them out only under supervision. Have your walls painted with high-quality water-resistant paint to be able to clean them properly – and often.

Final thoughts with a wink

Why not save some money, energy and time by protecting your home from your child? Getting replacements and recovering from being upset are not worth it.

Take some precaution. But most of all, take it with humor. Choose a relaxed home over a Martha Stewart home – at least for some time.

Stop crying over a painted wall or spilled juice and don’t let your toddler destroy everything in their path.

Protect your home and enjoy your toddler!

About the Author

Ilka Emig is a passionate self-development writer, lovable scientist and mother of two funny, constantly question asking and knowledge craving kids. She is on a mission to motivate parents to relax and enjoy their kids. Ilka Emig is a contributor to KachyTV Blog and writes at

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